Disruptions...

I have disrupted my life. I have CHOSEN to move out of my comfort zone. Why should a sane person do this? I had a stable job (Indian Army Officer), I was in a senior position and an expert in my profession, I had good salary and had a comfortable life.

First, it is not me alone who has taken this decision. I have full support of my family and especially my wife. I would say that she has more guts than me. It is her, who has taken the leap of faith. Being a woman, she is ruled by her emotions and not her reasons. She is hard-wired to look for safety and security. Even the efforts to get a new job are not in her hands. And she is supposed to not only keep her spirits high but also to keep me motivated. 

Second, I believe that we all have a destiny and are guided towards our future. There is a larger scheme of things. But, this does not justify 'inaction'. Remember, the "law of Karma" that I wrote about yesterday. Our present has been created by our past action. To that extent, it is our destiny. But the future is being designed by our present actions. So we have to take responsibility for our lives and ACT. Over here on earth, we have a role to play. Therefore, we must act right and fulfill our duties with sincerity and grace. 

As Randy Pausch puts it, "We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand".

So, I do not even want to claim, that I did something brave. But certainly there are things that are going on in my head and I would want to write them down.  

I think most decisions don't require extensive research. One basically gets drawn to something and knows that it's time. It's an intuitive thing. Many people don't think that way and believe in taking careful steps. So these people feel that by now I should have been in another job. In fact in a better (meaning better paying) one. They find it hard to accept that I didn't secure another job before chucking the present one. They want life to be perfect! A lot of people are asking me about my plans. Well I had some, which did not work out. I am doing what I can and I am playing in the hands of the destiny. Learning, taking my lessons and really enjoying the process. In fact I am thankful for this phase of my life. Or else I would have missed lots of new experiences.

I have moved out of army because I am looking for a more meaningful and challenging job that offers me not only opportunities for growth, but also helps me in my unfoldment. I also want to improve the quality of our lives and provide best opportunities to our child.

Generally in life I am always looking for something new. I am seeking something unknown, yet familiar. I am like the "fish on the camel". All the externals may look great, yet the fish on the camel feels that it is not in its natural environment, and it is thirsty. There is a yearning to connect to something deeper or higher or different.

And......I want to give filllip to my creative urges. I want to seek new challenges and discover life. I want to learn more, grow more. I am looking for greater fulfillment. I want to play around and EXPLORE the limits of the possible.

Sometime back, I wrote the following:

I have this constant and deep desire to improve and get better. With this aim to move towards perfection, I would need to either create or embrace new opportunities so as to learn and express myself fully. I would need to not only rise to my full potential, but also to increase my capacity. I am constantly working towards my self-unfoldment. I want to race to the infinity. 

And I read this somewhere...as all tiny seeds know, in order to grow you need to be dropped in dirt, covered in darkness, and struggle to reach the light ! In the end it's all worth it.