The TED talk that can change your life

Brene Brown spoke on Vulnerability on TED http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability

This is my favorite talk. I have listened to it at least 10 times and have been deeply impressed by it's contents. It has been a life changer of sorts for me.

Please listen to her first and then you may come back here to see the key points, that I have noted for you.

If you have started reading without listening to the talk, you won't be able to relate the points. So....

# Expanding perception (this is like expanding one's consciousness)

1. Lean into discomfort

2. Connection - is why we are here. It gives purpose and meaning to our lives.

3. Shame is - fear of disconnection. Being unworthy of connection. That I am not good enough.

4. Excruciating Vulnerability - in order for connection to happen we need to allow our self to be seen.

5. Most important finding here - SENSE OF WORTHINESS - those who have it; have a strong sense of love and belonging, of wholeheartedness. People who have a strong sense of love and belonging believe they are worthy of love and belonging...That’s it. 

6. What these people have in common are Courage, Compassion and Connection. These folks have the COURAGE to be imperfect. They wholeheartedly accept themselves as who they are. They had the compassion to be kind to themselves first and then to others. They had connection as a result of authenticity. 

7. The other thing that these people have in common is VULNERABILITY. They embrace it and believe that what made them vulnerable makes them beautiful. They find this necessary. The willingness to do something when there are no guarantees. They think it is fundamental. 

8. Stop controlling and predicting.

9. Vulnerability is where shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness is. But it is also the birthplace for joy, creativity, of belonging, of love.

10. We NUMB vulnerability. But we can’t selectively numb emotions (grief, shame, fear). We can’t numb these hard feelings without numbing the other good ones like joy, gratitude, happiness. And then we are miserable and are looking for purpose and meaning.

11. We make everything that’s uncertain-certain.

12. Blame-is a way to discharge pain and discomfort.

13. We perfect-but it doesn’t work.

14. Tell the children, "You may be imperfect and wired for struggle but you are worthy of love and belonging".

15. We pretend-as if what we do, does not have effect on people. We should rather say-we are sorry and we will fix it.

Finally, just remember and follow this...

16. Let ourselves be seen-deeply seen, vulnerably seen. To love with our whole hearts even though there are no guarantees . To practice gratitude and joy.

17. And that "You are enough".